Going back from college to the room (can't call it my home) in the evening and thoughts just overflowed in my mind.
I am exhausted from feeling the need to be strong all the time. I feel the tiredness in my bones and soul. I feel sick and tired of having to be strong all the time. I am tired of pretending that nothing is wrong. I no longer can go on pretending that I have it all together.
I've always admired independent and strong people, but I've never thought I would be like them. Yet, I became exactly that. However, everything has a limit and I feel I've reached mine.
I held on for a long time, being strong for everyone and for myself. And while I am trying to stand strong on my two little feet, life has been throwing more blows at me, not giving anything I love.
I feel like I am not allowed to cry and share my sorrow thoughts. I feel like I am not allowed to break down because no one expects that from me. People expect me to be strong all the time. In fact, they are accustomed to that because I've never shown my vulnerable side to anyone.
And that's the problem. Because they don't think that anything can bring me down. They think I don't need anyone to share it all. That I have it all figured out only because I am strong and self-sufficient. Some "important" people in my life do think that I have "best friend", but what if, I say, I don't speak my heart out with "best friend" or I don't have someone who can listen and not just hear it?
The truth is, I feel too much and show too little. When I am alone at night, sometimes I cry my eyes out because I am so tired of everything. I am exhausted by always being the backbone and having to stay strong for others and always lend them a shoulder to cry on and being the listening ears.
I, too, need someone to support me and be there for me. I, too, need someone to listen to me. Someone to hug me. Someone who will understand me when I tell them how difficult it is for me. I won't initiate but if someone asks for, I am just going to let it flow this time without any restrictions.
I want to stop pretending. I want to show my vulnerability without disappointing the people who expect me to be strong. I want to rely on someone other than myself for a change. And that's surely not going to happen overnight, you need to ask me and dig deeper to know the truth behind or else, I am still strong as always.
Keep smiling and believe in yourself 😊
I am exhausted from feeling the need to be strong all the time. I feel the tiredness in my bones and soul. I feel sick and tired of having to be strong all the time. I am tired of pretending that nothing is wrong. I no longer can go on pretending that I have it all together.
I've always admired independent and strong people, but I've never thought I would be like them. Yet, I became exactly that. However, everything has a limit and I feel I've reached mine.
I held on for a long time, being strong for everyone and for myself. And while I am trying to stand strong on my two little feet, life has been throwing more blows at me, not giving anything I love.
I feel like I am not allowed to cry and share my sorrow thoughts. I feel like I am not allowed to break down because no one expects that from me. People expect me to be strong all the time. In fact, they are accustomed to that because I've never shown my vulnerable side to anyone.
And that's the problem. Because they don't think that anything can bring me down. They think I don't need anyone to share it all. That I have it all figured out only because I am strong and self-sufficient. Some "important" people in my life do think that I have "best friend", but what if, I say, I don't speak my heart out with "best friend" or I don't have someone who can listen and not just hear it?
The truth is, I feel too much and show too little. When I am alone at night, sometimes I cry my eyes out because I am so tired of everything. I am exhausted by always being the backbone and having to stay strong for others and always lend them a shoulder to cry on and being the listening ears.
I, too, need someone to support me and be there for me. I, too, need someone to listen to me. Someone to hug me. Someone who will understand me when I tell them how difficult it is for me. I won't initiate but if someone asks for, I am just going to let it flow this time without any restrictions.
I want to stop pretending. I want to show my vulnerability without disappointing the people who expect me to be strong. I want to rely on someone other than myself for a change. And that's surely not going to happen overnight, you need to ask me and dig deeper to know the truth behind or else, I am still strong as always.
Keep smiling and believe in yourself 😊
Strength development is a process , and unlike Human, God always focusses on our strengths. And this as we see is the most unfortunate part, the stronger you are , more painful would life be for you, believe it or not.
ReplyDeleteAnd so when there are more pains Probably this is God's way of developing you.
Whether the person is there for a season or lifetime , you will get over it for sure, but these moments are tiring. This heat treatment must be painful.
P.S. - Unfortunately, at such moments your normal friends also cocoon away, As strength is your characteristic, they never think you can be a normal soul too. Life is strange.
The only lesson to take during such time are never feel same way about your inspiration and your idols. They are normal human beings too.
Every incident is a class if you wanna learn from it. So smile and believe in yourself :)
True! And anyone believe it or not, every person is broken at some stage of life, when they have to fight for themselves and come out of it with some learning.
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