The Burst Out

Its been more than 11 months into this relationship and the only best time I have spent was the very first week of getting committed. As soon as we both moved back to our routine or regular life, things changed and made me realize that maybe yes, I took the decision in a hurry. I should have thought more about it, I should have analyzed more. Because for him, it hardly makes a difference till the time I am accepting the things in this relationship and whether it's all good or not, doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is he is married now and that too only for the sake of his family. Just because they forced him to say yes, he said.

It hardly matters to him, what does his wife want from him, because he himself doesn't have any expectations from his wife. It's just a trophy for him to show to the world. Because no matter how hard one tries, till the time a person doesn't want to change or accept the things, no one else can do that for him. Everyone else is wrong here except himself. Everyone else does think that he is the most perfect husband for me but no one knows that he doesn't even behave like one. He has his own commitments, friends, career to build up, professional work, personal space and life priorities, where I don't even exist till date. And I can't even tell this to anyone, because then it will be like, I am always finding the faults in him. But that's because I expect from him and I consider each and every word said by him. He hardly listens to my words, and least expect anything so how will he find the faults in me!! He can only revert back my own statements, stating that I always have some or other problem with him.

But may I know where do I exist in your life? You have your parents and friends and colleagues and many more people in your life for everything, why do you need me? Just because we live in a society where marriage is important, you married me and nothing else. You remember me when you are done talking with everyone else, when you are bored with everything else! Is there even a bit of love between us! Your future includes your plan with your friends and parents, I don't even exist there. All your decisions consider them but not me.

I have tried a lot many times to make you understand this but things are still the same. Initially, you used to respond but get back to the same routine within a day or two. And now not even that initial response exists, I know that's because you are used to it now.

It doesn't matter to you what I think or what I need or what I want until and unless I am there in this relationship to show it to the world. But the day I will decide to move out of this relation, may be you'll understand what I meant. 

Keep smiling and believe in yourself 😊

P.S.: A copied one. I know there are so many people out there facing such issues because their husbands are at home, so just take a chill pill and let yourself burst out but never quit.